Me and my confusing mind (**or should i say baka?)

I'm messing up with my feeling lately.. I think I still love him at a moment but a few second after that I think I'm not.. crazy me ne? until when??!!! I'm mad at myself since being so stupid about my own feeling... Until when dear?when will you get the true answer... I'm afraid that I'm still in love will him because of the memory.. I'm afraid that if i said that I dont love him because I have too.. Its totally confusing... the time will cure ne but 4 years already... i should forget but I can't.. what should I do.. every moment that I'm alone I'm missing him but I know he did not miss me.. but everytime I miss him this ques come..Do you really miss him because you cant find someone else to miss? i guess that why i miss him.. i should find a replacement.. but it was really unlucky because i.m not that type.. just had enough after him.. cant really fall for other I guess... It a silly mistake..My mistake.. I left him in sudden.. After a lost, a did miss him soo much.. when I'm thinking to have him back.. he already with someone else.. me.. and my ego let him be.. but a sweet text for two years make me think that he still mine but the fact I'm not.. then where i got totally dump with my emo.. that why guys, I'm telling you... endure me until I get matured~ I'm that emo..

**a quest where the answer is mine but still cant found the exact one..*sighing*